


Happier

by UchihaEclair



Category: Free!
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Feels, Break Up, Free! Eternal Suffering, Heartbreak, Jealous Matsuoka Rin, Longing, M/M, Minor Nanase Haruka/Tachibana Makoto, One Shot, Past Matsuoka Rin/Nanase Haruka, Post-Break Up, Sad, Song Lyrics, happier - ed sheeran
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:14:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24200398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UchihaEclair/pseuds/UchihaEclair
Summary: Rin and Haru broke up. Rin sees Haru out with Makoto and his heart instantly breaks.Inspired by Ed Sheeran's 'Happier'"I was Happier with you"Just a short one-shot of heartbreak and how it feels to lose the person you love the most, and knowing that you were happier with them.
Relationships: Matsuoka Rin/Nanase Haruka
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	Happier

**Walking down [Tokyo's small streets]**

The sun was glaring down on Rin causing his red eyes to hurt. He had a headache and things were just not going well today. He had missed his alarm and had been late for practice causing his coach to get annoyed, but his coach was quite understanding. _He knew what was wrong._ Rin had finally gotten used to living in Tokyo permanently. He was on his break and was heading for lunch, he had gone alone today, he needed some alone time. His mind was puzzling with thoughts, causing the chatter around him from the dozens of people at restaurants and markets to not even be noticed by him. He sighed, as he looked up, and wished he hadn't.

  
**I saw you in another's arms**

Rin stopped mid-track. A splurge of anxiety crawled through him from the deepest depth of his soul into the outermost part of his skin. His heart beat fast and his head felt light. A contrast to the weight of his backpack that seemed to have grown tremendously. His mouth ajared and his eyes widened as he saw them. _Him_. Rin felt like he could cry on the spot as he saw Haruka being held by Makoto as they entered a small cafe, with a wide window and a green sign. Rin felt his heart ache at the sight of them. It ached both for what he missed. And as he saw Haruka's beautiful side profile, his slight smile with those rosy lips, his beautiful blue eyes, bluer than any water, bluer than any sky. It ached for his beauty. Haru was achingly beautiful. Rin stood still for a while before he decided against his better judgement to follow them. He stood outside the large window and open doorway as he saw the two sit down at a wooden table. Makoto facing him and he could see his clear emerald eyes, a beautiful sight, but the back of Haruka's hair was even more beautiful.

**Only a month we've been apart**

"I hate you!" were the last words that came out of Rin's mouth that night. They had been fighting about something once again. Rin didn't mean it and the regret stung him like a bee after he said it. Rin had just been tired, irritated and everything had been going wrong. But he saw Haru's eyes drop, the blueness became gray instantly, like sky turning to a storm. And it hurt. Rin didn't know why he said it, it just came out. He didn't mean it. He never did. If anyone, he hated himself. Looking back he thought it was self-defence. He assumed Haru would hate him, so if he said it first... It was petty and in the heat of the moment. Rin wasn't like Haru, he couldn't control his emotions. They were boiling up even now.

  
**You look happier**

Rin moved to the left so that he could see Haru more clearly. His heart ached as he saw the man he loved. His heart ached even more as he saw the soft small smile on Haru's face. A smile that had been there those nights they fell in love. Those nights spent at Haru's house making out, having sex, drinking. The nights they stayed in and put on a movie and cuddled. The nights Haru had cooked for him. The nights Rin would try his hardest to make Haru smile, even laugh sometimes though rare. But most importantly those days they had swum together. With Haru swimming felt like flying, without him, it felt like drowning. Painful. 

Haru looked happy, which hurt Rin. Haru is happier without him.

**He said something to make you laugh**

Rin could see Makoto's mouth move, what he said he had no idea, he kinda wished he did, but the moment Haru turned his head slightly, his rose coloured cheeks, and the bright glare of his pearly white teeth made Rin wish he never did. Whatever it was... That laugh wasn't for Rin. Rin's heart ached. Haru looked so happy. Happier than Rin made him look. Rin clenched his fist so hard that red marks were left by his short nails in his porcelain skin. 

  
**I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours**

Rin's porcelain skin quickly turned red. Everything turned red. His eyes, his throat. Even his hands. He was shaking. He felt like he could cry anytime. He looked over at Makoto and bit his lip harshly at what he saw. The slight blush on Makoto's cheeks combined with the loving look in his green eyes. Makoto looked happy. He always did when he was with Haru, and Rin knew it. That's why it hurt. Haru and Makoto's smiles were shining like the sun, while Rin and Haru's smiles were shining like a light bulb. They weren't the same. Rin felt a stinging in his eyeballs, but he tried to keep it together. He had to. He bit harshly down on the tip of his tongue to try and stop the tears, but it didn't help, in fact it made it worse. Rin quickly raised his hand and wiped his eyes harshly as he lowered his cap over his eyes, so no one could see him crying.

  
**Yeah you look happier, you do**

Rin could try and stop his thoughts but it was all in vain. He could see Haru smiling as he raised his cup of coffee. He seemed so blissful, so elegant as if everything in his life was going right. As if he hadn't lost Rin. As if he didn't even know Rin. How could he smile like that when Rin had been suffering daily. The pain in his stomach was a constant presence in his life. The dark clouds of depression following him. Reminding him of what he had lost. Reminding him of who he missed, and who he loved.

  
**Promise that I will not take it personal baby**   
**If you're moving on with someone new**

That's what Rin tried telling himself. Above all he just wanted Haru to be happy. He just-... It was in vain. Rin could try to be the good person, and say that he wanted Haru to be happy and move on with someone new. But he knew. Rin knew the truth. He knew it by how his heart beat fast everytime he got a phone call or message and the hope that appeared in his stomach, telling him that maybe it was Haru. He knew it by how he kept looking at their old photos they had taken together on his phone. He knew it by how he listened to love songs - both happy and sad - and pictured _him_. Pictured his blue eyes, his raven hair. His beauty. He pictured kissing him, having sex with him, longing for him, laughing with him, even talking with him. Those thoughts were running through his mind daily. He knew it by how when he went swimming, he always felt a splurge of adrenaline rushing through him when he saw someone with dark hair in the pool, when someone was racing him in the next lane. When he had hope that Haru would someday swim with him again.

But most of all he knew it now. Standing here, looking at Haru and Makoto and feeling the darkness of jealousy in the pits of his stomach. The hurt, the envy, the pain. He knew that even if he said he would be fine if Haru was moving on, that deep down he didn't want him to. Rin wanted Haru to come back to him. He missed him, he loved him. He wishes he could just run in there and hug him. But he couldn't. He was frozen on the spot, as if big heavy metal chains were wrapped around his neck, arms and legs, causing him to stand there, not being able to move, only being able to watch Haru being happy with Makoto.

  
**Cause baby you look happier, you do**   
**My friends told me one day I'll feel it too**

Suddenly Rin remembered the conversation he had had with Sousuke the other day. His best friend was trying to cheer him up, he didn't like seeing Rin sad like that. 

"Rin you know, there's plenty of fish in the sea, you'll find someone else" Sousuke had tried. 

But Rin didn't pay it any mind. Haru isn't just a fish, he's the whole sea to Rin. Without Haru, there's nothing. Rin had always looked up to Haru. First, it started with admiration, then adoration and then love. Haru wasn't just Rin's lover, he was his inspiration. Just seeing Haru swim made Rin strive for the future. For competing in the Olympics. But without him, Rin had started to falter. His dreams weren't as clear as before. He was thankful for Sousuke being there for him, but it wasn't the same. No one could replace the emptiness that Haru had left. The hole in his heart.

  
**And until then I'll smile to hide the truth**   
**But I know I was happier with you**

Rin smiled. He always did. It was second nature to him at this point, to fake a smile. 

"You're right Sousuke" Rin had said and smiled. But it was fake. His heart ached, and his mind couldn't believe the lies coming out of his mouth. He could never get over Haru, he could never love someone like he loved Haru. Haru made him feel alive. Without him, the world was dull. 

He was happier with Haru. That was one thing Rin was certain of. No matter how painful it was, even when Rin had tried lying to himself, saying that he'd get over it, Rin knew the truth. He could feel it, he was still in love with Haru.

  
**Sat in the corner of the room**

Haru sighed as he took a sip of his cup of coffee. He was sitting in a small cafe with Makoto. Makoto was smiling, and talking about random things as usual. Haru really tried to smile and be friendly but that wasn't how he was feeling. His heart was broken. He could try to hide it, but the pain didn't stop. He had been spending most of his time at home laying in the bathtub. Otherwise, he was at the pool, training his ass off, but it wasn't the same. Swimming without Rin.

  
**Everything's reminding me of you**

Haru nodded and pretended to listen to Makoto, but he looked across the room and saw flowers. Beautiful roses coloured in the same maroon shade of Rin's hair, and the image of Rin flickered through his mind. Haru tensed and stopped breathing for a few seconds. He missed Rin more than he would admit. The last month everywhere he looked he was somehow reminded of Rin. Whether it was the colour of the sunset. The birds chirping. Even sometimes he'd hear someone laugh and get reminded of him. Everytime he saw a redhead in a crowd he'd think it was Rin and panic. Why couldn't he just stop thinking about him? But it was useless to ask because Haru knew why. He smiled at Makoto's joke, even though he hadn't paid attention to what he said.

  
**Nursing an empty bottle and telling myself you're happier**   
**Aren't you?**

There was no point in lying. Haru had been facebook stalking Rin, Sousuke, and their other friends, just in hope of seeing Rin's face. He'd seen how much fun Rin had been up to lately. Sousuke had been posting photos of them, and Rin had been smiling so brightly. Then there were the snapchat stories that Sousuke had posted where they'd been out clubbing. Rin was in the background dancing next to some guy. Of course it had angered Haru, the jealousy spreading through him. He was supposed to be the one next to Rin. He had quickly closed Snapchat and turned his phone off. Then he had gone into the tub.

Makoto had tried cheering Haru up. Going to his house daily. Taking him to different places. Makoto's eyes were so warm and loving. So gentle and caring. Haru truly was happy to have Makoto by his side but it wasn't the same. The green of Makoto's eyes, just couldn't compete to the way Rin's red eyes made Haru feel. No one could. And it pained Haru to realise this. He wishes he could love with his head instead of his heart, but even then, his head would choose Rin. No matter what, Haru was drawn to Rin like a moth to a flame, and there is nothing that he can do to change that. Not now. Not ever.

  
**Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you**

Rin had really hurt Haru. His words had cut deeper than a knife. But what hurt more was seeing the pained look on Rin's face afterwards. Seeing the physical manifestation of regret and pain on his face. Seeing the tears in his eyes. The way he bit down on his lip, and the way he had tried to reach out his arm to grab onto Haru's jumper. But Haru had left. Haru had also hurt Rin. His words were sharp as well. But he hurt Rin by leaving him. By ignoring his messages, his apologies, his phone calls. Haru hadn't realised what he had done until Rin stopped contacting him. He regretted it, but he had been hurt and he just needed some space. He wishes Rin hadn't stopped messaging him though, even if Haru had ignored him for weeks. He just misses Rin. He wants Rin back.

  
**But ain't nobody need you like I do**

Haru needs Rin. Rin is like water to Haru. His greatest joy in life. But without it, his life is miserable. Even water cannot make Haru happy the way Rin can. Without Rin, Haru wouldn't know what love is. He wouldn't know what true happiness is. He wouldn't have realised his dream. He wouldn't even have a dream. Because his dream has always been to swim competitively _with Rin_. He could still swim competitively, but without Rin, it wouldn't be _his_ dream coming true. It wouldn't be worth it. It was as if without Rin life wasn't truly worth living. Life was missing something irreplaceable. 

  
**I know that there's others that deserve you**

Rin was crying now. Tears were flowing down his cheeks. He kept trying to stop it. He knew that he should probably leave but he couldn't. He had to stay and see Haru and Makoto. His heart broke into even more pieces, he didn't even know that was possible. He saw Makoto smiling at Haru. Haru smiled back but it was hard to see his face through his blurry eyes. Then he saw Makoto reach out his hand and hold Haru's hand. Such a loving and pure gesture. But it made Rin feel terrible. The worst part was that Rin knew how much Makoto loved Haru. He knew how good of a friend he was. Because Makoto was Rin's friend as well. His heart ached that he had lost Haru, but his heart ached that now Makoto had to pick up the pieces and be there for Haru. Makoto did deserve Haru. Rin didn't. Rin couldn't see why Haru even loved him. Why him? Why not Makoto?

Rin knew that Makoto deserved Haru, but Rin was selfish. He wanted Haru. He loved him so much. But as he stood there crying, he looked up and saw those pure, loving emerald eyes looking at him. He saw the puzzled look on Makoto's face, which quickly turned sad as he saw Rin crying. Rin quickly turned around and started walking away. He didn't think that he'd be seen. It was stupid he had stood there for almost 15 minutes, he was sure other customers thought he was a weirdo. But he couldn't help it. He hadn't seen Haru in a month, hadn't spoken to him in a month, and he had missed him so much. But maybe he would have been better off not seeing him. Not seeing them together. His heart had split in two, the piece that wanted Haru back, and the piece that wanted to let him go and be with Makoto, it was what Makoto deserved.

  
**But my darling I am still in love with you**

Haru looked up as Makoto had abruptly stopped his conversation halfway through. Haru saw the confused, pained and shocked look in his widened eyes, and dropped jaw. He knew something had happened.

"What happened Makoto?" Haru said worriedly, it wasn't like Makoto to act like this.

He saw Makoto clench his jaw, and tighten his hand into a fist. Makoto looked down avoiding Haru's eyes, ignoring his questions, as he swallowed.

Haru was further concerned, what was going on?

"Tell me, Makoto" 

Makoto looked outside the window. He seemed conflicted, the glistening look that had been present in his eyes previously had now disappeared. 

"Answer me!" Haru said loudly, quite annoyed now. Makoto usually didn't hide anything, unless it was about...

"Rin..." Haru said in a quiet voice, his voice broke, but Makoto didn't know why. He couldn't decipher which emotion was present in Haru's voice, maybe it was all of them. Hurt, pain, sadness, anger, longing, but also excitement.

Makoto looked down at his hand, and then finally met the pair of cold blue eyes. Makoto's facial expressions were cold, as he nodded slowly.

Haru's blue eyes widened, and he bit down slightly on his lip as he stared intensely at Makoto, and clenched his hand.

"What about him?" Haru said, cold and commanding, he needed a response.

Makoto sighed, and finally gave in. He looked up at Haru, his facial expressions were more calm now. He had a slight fake smile on his face. But his hand was still clenched very tightly.

"Rin was here" he said quietly.

Haru stiffened, looking eagerly into Makoto's eyes. Haru's heart jumping up and down in his chest. Excitement flowing through his veins, but they were followed by a dull pain.

"He was..." Makoto paused trying to figure out whether or not he should say it

He looked up at Haru, a concerned look in his eyes 

"Crying".

And with that word Haru's mind went blank. He slowly stood up. Makoto tried to stop him, grabbing his wrist, but Haru yanked it away as he quickly ran out of the cafe. He pretended not to see the pained look on Makoto's face as he left. The look of rejection in his eyes.

His heart was beating fast with adrenaline pumping through his veins. Rin had seen them, and he had been crying. That alone was enough for Haru to swallow his pride and chase after him. He couldn't bear the thought of Rin crying.

He saw the back of Rin's long black coat, and his cap along with the back of his red hair hanging out under it. At the sight he tensed but ran quickly past people, breathing heavily as he was catching up to Rin. He finally caught up, he was out of breath from running so fast. He yanked Rin's hand. Rin turned around slowly, tears dripping down from his eyeballs, as his eyes widened in shock by seeing Haru there. An intense glare in his eyes.

"I am still in love with you, Rin" 


End file.
